Being divorced comes with a lot of freedom. But here's a few reasons why you might want to wait before dating after divorce and focus on your needs.
By Monika Gorecka Updated: August 19, 2019 Categories: Dating after Divorce, Relationships and Dating
When my marriage ended but we were still living together, my ex moved on so quickly that after only a couple of months he was moving in with his new girlfriend. I know because she came to our house to help him pack his things. And that was it, he was all ready for the new relationship. On the other hand, some time later, I met a guy who told me he was so hurt after his breakup that he could barely stand women who weren’t part of his family. Nothing personal, but he wouldn’t speak with me. He just wanted to wait before dating after divorce.
These two men couldn’t be any more different, right? So, when is the right time to start dating after divorce? Do you fight fire with fire? Or stay away from the opposite sex forever (more or less)? How do you know if you should wait to date or if you’re ready to move on? Well, obviously, it has nothing to do with your official marital status. It’s more about divorcing in your heart and saying a real goodbye to that stage of your life.
Easier said than done, though. Let’s have a look at the most common DON’TsDOs
5 Reasons You Should Wait Before Dating After Divorce
Reason 1. You’re Feeling Worthless and are Afraid to Trust Again
Does this describe you?
What’s behind this feeling?
Why not date?
What to do instead?
Reason 2. You Believe Men are Monsters or Women are Wicked
Does this describe you?
What’s behind this belief?
Why not date?
What to do instead?
Reason 3. You (or Your Friends) Think you Should
Does this describe you?Friends suggest you should start dating again – or you see your ex and his new girlfriend’s pictures on FB, all happy and in love, and you feel maybe you should move on, too. Not that you’re eager to jump into this dating thing, but you think maybe you ought to.
What’s behind this thought?
Why not date?
What to do instead?
Reason 4. You’re Jaded, Bitter, and Suspicious
Does this describe you?
What’s behind these feelings?
Why not date?
What to do instead?
Reason 5. You’re Picturing a Future Together on Your First Date
Does this describe you?
What’s behind this sense of urgency?
Why not date?
What to do instead?
Okay, enough of DON’Ts. Let’s have a look at when to say “yes” to dating after divorce. Here’s a quick checklist. Be mindful about how you feel when reading the sentences below. You might want to read them out loud for better effect. Remember, the truth always feels light in your heart.
- I don’t blame all men (women) for one of them hurting me.
- My marriage was a hard lesson, but I made it. I’m not angry anymore. There used to be something special between us. I even wish him/her luck in life. I wish the same for me too, of course.
- I like myself, I know I am a worthy person. Actually, I am doing pretty well!
- I’m interested in other people. I’m open to others. I know people make mistakes. I prefer a decent guy who makes mistakes over a prince of perfect.
- I’m getting to know myself again. I know there are things I am never going to agree on again. There are also some really important things to me. I am able to name them.
- It would be nice to meet a worthy guy/woman. But I can live an exciting life by myself instead of waiting for someone who makes my life interesting.
Tricky thing, this dating after divorce. Exciting. Confusing. Even harder to start dating again after so many years being part of a couple. Whatever you decide to do – to take your time, or jump back into dating – be mindful about your needs. And trust yourself – you’ve got the wisdom inside you. After all, you weren’t born yesterday, right?