H as your sex life gone stale? Between kids, work, the economy and other pressures, steamy sex may seem like a fantasy. (Although there’s a place for that too!) Are you ready to turn up the heat again? These tips will help get you in the mood, both physically and mentally.
“When you’re in bed and making love, your partner’s not worried about any little imperfections a woman might have,” says Hilda Hutcherson, M.D., author of Pleasure: A Woman’s Guide to Getting the Sex You Want, Need and Deserve2. Make a Date
Scheduling sex might sound too controlling to be much fun, but sometimes planning is in order. You book time in your calendar to work out and run errands – why not do the same to prioritize sex?
“This is important, so you have to make room for it and push it forward,” Dr. Hutcherson says. Reconnecting with your partner as a lover – not roommates or parents – reminds you why you were attracted to him in the first place. And once you’ve made a sex appointment, the anticipation can be almost as titillating as the event. So kick it up a notch by trading racy texts or leaving a sultry voicemail on his cell. 3. Forget About “Normal”
Surveys show that American women have a wide variety of sex:
- 17% have tried bondage
- 20% have used a blindfold
- 30% have had anal sex
- 62% masturbate (usually three to four times a week)
- 40% use vibrators
- 14% look at online porn
- 70% need clitoral stimulation to slide into home plate
- 18% opt for oral sex
8. Trade Pain for Pleasure
Sex should feel amazing. If it’s painful, you need to figure out why. It may be a simple matter of changing positions or adding lubricant. But it could also be a yeast infection, an undiagnosed STD, endometriosis, painful bladder syndrome, vulvodynia or even cancer. Don’t try to diagnose it on your own; see your gynecologist. And check out “5 Sex Problems Women Face.” If you’re still hurting and nothing is medically wrong, consider talking with a certified sex therapist. (You can find one through www.aasect.org.) “There can be emotional reasons for painful sex, particularly for women who’ve been raised in religious households or who’ve been sexually abused or raped,” Sugg says.
9. Medication Can Hurt Your Libido
Some medications can blunt your sex drive, including antidepressants, blood pressure medications, even birth control pills. If you haven’t been feeling as frisky as you’d like, talk to your doctor about whether your prescription might be putting the chill on your libido. You might be able to take a lower dose or switch to a different drug. 10. Get to Know Yourself
Forget what you see in movies: Only about 30% of women reach orgasm through penetration alone. That means a whopping 70% of us need hands-on help to cross the finish line. “It’s not all up to your partner,” Sugg says. “Share the responsibility and take on pieces of your own sexual pleasure.”
14. Get Some Comic Relief
Another thing that happens only in movies: sex without gaffes. In real life, something’s bound to go wrong – one of you farts, you pull a muscle, the dog jumps on you, you fall off the bed. The only thing you can do – after checking for broken bones – is to laugh and roll with it. Nothing kills the mood like the pressure to have “perfect sex.” 15. Find Birth Control That Works for You
It’s impossible to let yourself go if you’re worried about getting pregnant. Which is why the best birth control is the one you’ll use without fail.
Fortunately, if you do slip up, there’s Plan B, an emergency contraception pill that you can use up to 5 days after sex. It’s available without a prescription for women 17 years and older. “Plan B is a backup for the condom that breaks or the diaphragm that’s 20 miles away,” says Bruce Rosenzweig, M.D., director of urogynecology at Rush University Medical Center, in Chicago. “It’s not recommended as a primary form of contraception.” 16. Get a Handle on Vascular Conditions
Some health problems affect your sex life. For example, heart disease, arthritis, hypertension and diabetes “can profoundly affect our sexual health and pleasure,” Barnard says. What’s the connection? Blood flow.
So how do you do Kegels? Just squeeze the pelvic floor muscles (these are the ones that control urination) for several seconds and release and relax the muscles for several seconds. Make it more fun by squeezing them in sync to music while you’re driving, recommends Lauri Romanzi, M.D., an urogynecologist at New York Presbyterian Hospital-Weill Cornell Medical Center. Do several sets of 20 to 30 reps per set daily, she says. To make sure you’re Kegeling correctly, put a mirror between your legs and watch as you squeeze. “The perinea – the skin between the anus and vagina – should pull in, almost like someone’s pulling that skin into your body,” Dr. Romanzi says.
19. Take a Pilates Class
How Sexually Adventurous Are You?
Would you, could you, do it in a park? How about in a car? Some women prefer their sex straightforward, while others aren’t satisfied unless they’re swinging from the chandeliers. Take our quiz to find out just how sexually adventurous you are.
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